Letter to God

Dear Heavenly Father,

       I don't know my part in Your story, I don't know Your plans for me, but is this really how You want me to be or has the devil tricked me? I went from being almost sure about how You would want me to live to not knowing what to do anymore. I don't know which way to go. I think I'm lost.

       I thought the NIV Bible was reliable, but multiple people have said that it's not. Then which version is reliable? I researched different ones, but I don't know what to believe. I need Your guidance, please.

       I wish You would speak to me. And if You've tried, I wish I would have recognized Your voice.  Can You please make sure I'll always know it's You from now on?

       I'm not happy with myself. I feel like I'm failing you every day. I'm so sorry. Please help me. Please change me. Please fix whatever is wrong with me. You're my only hope.

Sincerely,
Jamilet

Something to Think About

Oftentimes whenever people start saying, "the end of the world is near," or, "Jesus is coming soon," others tend to mock them and don't take them seriously. Some of those mockers are people who call themselves Christians. Of all people, Christians should know what Jesus himself said about His return.

In verse 36 of Matthew 24, Jesus says, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."

Verses 42 through 44 then say, "Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him."

Mark 13 verse 33 says, "Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come."

There were moments in the past when people were saying that the rapture was going to happen on a certain day and then nothing happened. Remember that? Now if anyone says that the world is going to end soon, people just laugh or get angry. "You're crazy," they say. "You're such a fanatic." Nobody can put a date on the rapture or the end of the world, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't prepare. Stop mocking those warning of Christ's return! Take it as a reminder that you don't have all the time in the world to get right with God. The rapture can happen years from now, months from now, weeks from now, days from now, or even seconds from now. What are you waiting for?

Just like nobody knows when Christ will return, nobody knows when they're going to die. Nobody knows if their own death will be quick or if they'll have time to repent before they take their last breath. Nobody knows those kinds of things. And if you die in sin, it's too late for you to be saved.

Please, stop wasting the time God has graciously given you. Repent and stop sinning. Seek wisdom in God's Word. Seek God and pray. You DON'T have all the time in the world. You DON'T KNOW when you will die. And NOBODY KNOWS when the rapture will happen. Only God knows. Get ready now.

"Look, he is coming with the clouds,
    and every eye will see him,
  even those who pierced him;
    and all the peoples of the earth will
           mourn because of him.
                                 So shall it be! Amen.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." (Revelations 1:7-8 NIV)


May God bless you all.

~~

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Thoughts...

We need to be more careful with the things we say and do, think before we speak, and realize that what we say might hurt the people we claim to love. If we don't care about hurting people's feelings then we don't know love. If we don't know love then we don't know God whom we claim to love and who is love. Read His word and you will know if you are living right or not. Don't just assume that you know what you're doing.

Meds Changed Again

So... it's been a while.

I am no longer on Xeloda. I am now taking Afinitor and Aromasin pills and getting the Zoladex injection again. I have a PET scan and an MRI coming up soon, so I hope that all comes back good.

Xeloda

I have been taking the chemotherapy drug, Xeloda, for 12 days now. So far the only side-effects I have noticed are headaches, minor stomach problems, and decreased appetite. That's not too bad. I have 2 more days of taking the medicine and then I get 7 days without it.

I worry sometimes if I'm going to forget to take Xeloda. I have to take 3 pills 2 times a day for 14 days.Then I get 7 days off of it and then do the whole thing over again. I just hope that this medicine works. I don't want to have my treatment changed once again.

My trust in God has not changed. I still believe that everything that I'm going through is for a reason. He's making me as gold purified through flames.

"After all this has passed, I still will remain. After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain. Though it won't be today, someday I'll hope again and there'll be beauty from pain. YOU will bring beauty from my pain." ~ Superchick "Beauty from Pain"

My Cancer Battle

On March 10th, 2009, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had to go through getting a port (“port-a-cath” or “medi-port”) inserted in my upper chest wall for chemotherapy, having to actually go through getting chemotherapy, having my hair fall out, and everything else that comes with having breast cancer. After my partial mastectomy on August 17th later that year, I ended up getting an infection where the lump was taken out and had to go through being cut open again and letting it heal slowly that way (with the help of a visiting nurse).

The year 2010 arrives and I'm healed up, hair growing back, having to go to routine check-ups every couple months. My lower back then started hurting really badly around the end of May/beginning of June. I went to my family doctor who said that it was probably a pinched nerve and gave me medicine for the pain. A couple weeks later when I saw my oncologist, I told her that I had had back pain so she decided that she wanted me to get an MRI done, just to be safe. It's definitely a good thing that I told her about the back pain.

The MRI was done on June 16th, 2010. The following day, my oncologist calls to set up an appointment so that she can speak with me that same day. Very last minute. I guess I should have known that it wasn't good news. My oncologist told me and my sister, Sarah (who had been taking me to all of my appointments), that there were abnormalities in my lower back and left shoulder. Following a biopsy later that month, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer. More treatments were on the way.

I went from taking Tamoxifen to taking Femara. Having to stop that and getting infusions of Zometa and a Zoladex injection in the stomach (which I hated) once a month. Then stopping the Zoladex and getting Faslodex instead. And now most recently after a routine PET scan (5/31/2011), I was told that the Faslodex will be stopped and I will be taking Xeloda pills. First the cancer in the lower back had spread a little bit, but now it's the cancer in the left shoulder.

Did I mention that I was still 24 when I had breast cancer? I'm 26-years-old now. I haven't gotten my period in a very long time now due to my medications. I'm not planning on having children though so it doesn't really bother me.

I've gone through a lot these past couple years. I have a great support group though. My family is awesome and I love them very much. But if it wasn't for God, I don't know where I'd be right now. He has been my strength and courage from the very beginning. Even before I was diagnosed in 2009, I had put all my trust in God and I would tell my family that "it's whatever God wants." Whatever HE wanted for me is what was going to happen. That doesn't mean that I haven't cried. Believe me, I've cried. But I know there's a reason behind all this. I've seen changes in the people around me and changes in myself. Good changes. God knows what he's doing.

It's been almost a year now since my diagnosis of metastatic breast cancer, but my trust in God has not faded. He is in control of everything.